Mom insists 14-year-old daughter take last minute trip to see aunt instead of attending friend's birthday party, is confused when her friend's mom loses it at the cancellation: 'She screamed at me before hanging up'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 11, 2025 6:00 PM EST

For many teens, few things are more important than their social life. At an age where many are craving increased independence but are still under the control of authorities such as schools and parents, their relationships with their peers are one of the few things that give them a sense of freedom. However, even in this area of life, many young people can face certain restrictions from outer influences. Friends don't take precedence when in the minds of adults, there are other responsibilities to be attended to.

It is no surprise that this is something many teenagers rebel against, and sometimes things can go even further than that. As a parent of a teen, it can be hard to strike a balance between letting their child socialize with their friends and making sure they save time for everything else. It is something that can easily start to cause a plethora of issues.

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  • One mom found herself wondering if she was in the wrong after dealing with such a situation. After her exams, her 14-year-old daughter was due to attend her friend's long-awaited birthday party at an escape room. However, at the last minute, her aunt and cousin revealed that they would be having a weekend getaway near where they lived. This led the mom to cancel her daughter's attendance at the party at the last minute so they could visit them, making the birthday girl's mom angry. 

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    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for 'making' my daughter miss a hangout?

    My daughter (14F) has been planning a hangout for a month or so now. This hangout was right after her last exam (on a Friday) and included all her friends. The entire month she has not been able to go out as she has been studying for these exams, I am immensely proud of her and she came back extremely happy, so I am sure her hard work has paid off.
    via Fit-Spot5840
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    When my daughter told me about this hangout, I immediately agreed telling her I'd give the money for the same. This however, was not necessary, as her friend had her birthday only a day later and said friend's parents had agreed to pay for the escape room they'd be doing and dinner. A bit before that final exam, I learnt that my sister and her family were flying over on Friday, right at the time my daughter would be taking her test. They had booked a 'weekend getaway' at a nearby resort and had
    via Fit-Spot5840
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    My daughter loves her aunt and cousin. I told my daughter about this and asked her which she would prefer. She was also, as expected, very excited. However, she quickly told me that she wouldn't be able to tell her friends since they had all been looking forward to this hangout together and she would feel very bad doing so. Understanding this, I decided to text the birthday girl's mother telling her the situation. It was not until we were already on our road trip that I got a call from her, aski
    via Fit-Spot5840
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    The girl's mother got very upset at this and told me that she had already booked the escape room for a specific number of people and that she had paid per person. I immediately told her that I would be happy to give her back the money and apologized for the issue. She then started yelling at me, saying that it was not about the money and that she had purposely planned it today so all her friends could attend. I was informed then that the only reason they were hosting it a day early was because i
    via Fit-Spot5840
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    I tried apologizing but said there was nothing I could do as we were already on the road. She screamed at me a little more before hanging up. I have tried giving her back the money spent on my daughter, but she refuses to take it. All the parents involved in this (that I could speak to about it) are split. Some say that a getaway that pricey could not be forgone and it was only a hangout, whereas others say that their kids were very disappointed at my daughter being absent as she had promised th
    via Fit-Spot5840
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    Commenters were skeptical of her parenting decisions.

    LCJ75 This whole thing is odd. At 14 she has to study for a whole month with no social breaks? She then has plans that you make her break, or even encourage or allow her to break to go on some surprise family trip. She would rather do that than hang with her friends that she hasn't spent time with in a month? You were ride breaking the appt for your daughter and agreeing to this trip. YTA
    via LCJ75
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    Nadja-19 Yeah I don't understand why the daughter couldn't go to the hangout then they could join her entitled B of a sister for her surprise plans. Would a few hours really matter? And why did the sister plan something expensive without asking if hey would be able to go first? Op talks about how it cost a lot. Irrelevant because no one asked her to. Maybe op needs to set some boundaries with her sister.
    via Nadja-19
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    VardaElentari86 Especially since they seemed to be driving too and it was 'nearby', so much more control over that than say if flights were involved or something. Just go a few hours later.
    via VardaElentari86
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    Little Dog Turpie At 14 my friends and I got dr nk in the park on Friday night and our parents didn't know where the h I we were. My mom definitely wasn't calling other moms about play dates.
    via LittleDogTurpie
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    StAlvis ESH What a shitshow INFO A bit before that final exam, I learnt that my sister and her family were flying over on Friday Exactly when did your sister spring these last-minute travel plans on you? They had booked a 'weekend getaway' at a nearby resort and had everything planned for us
    via StAlvis
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    Why would you not have been informed about something like this with any kind of advance notice? I told my daughter about this and asked her which she would prefer. She was also, as expected, very excited. However, she quickly told me that she wouldn't be able to tell her friends since they had all been looking forward to this hangout together and she would feel very bad doing so. Why are you shielding your child from the consequences of her own decisions? How is she going to learn any social ski
    via StAlvis
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    IHaveSomeOpinions09 It's that second one for me. OP should have never allowed the daughter to break plans without communicating it back to her friends. 14 is well old enough to understand that there are decisions in life and that there may be consequences to choosing one decision over another. If she couldn't handle her friends' reaction to breaking plans, she shouldn't have broken them.
    via IHaveSomeOpinions09
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    Miss_Adelie I agree, this point really surprised me. The daughter didn't want to feel bad by telling her friends in advance so she was going to make them feel even worse by ghosting them on the day. The daughter should have spoken to her friends beforehand. Also depending upon how many of them were going on the day out, those escape rooms often have a minimum persons to play. What if her dropping out caused the other girls to not be able to play? They should have been given a heads up so the oth
    via Miss_Adelie
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    mikoline971 YTA. When you have to cancel an event at such short notice, the minimum amount of respect would be to call the person directly instead of sending a simple SMS. Other than teaching your daughter to be petty, as you seem to be, I don't see the point of this post. Don't be surprised if your daughter loses friends and/or invitations in the future. She is simply a reflection of yourself.
    via mikoline971
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    Top_Barnacle9669 If nothing else, the daughter has now become the "ill agree to something until I get a better offer but wont be the one to say Im not doing it, ill get mummy to"
    via Top_Barnacle9669
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    rockology_adam ESH. Your sister is absolutely an A-h_e for planning this getaway without consulting you and your daughter. The other parent involved has absolutely overestimated the importance of an event that can be titled "Hangout". It's a birthday party as well? An end of year/term party? In any case... you don't call it a hang and expect it to be required attendance. That's reserved for galas and maybe b lls and soirees. But you are also the A-h e here. Your daughter had the right call initi
    via rockology_adam
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    You do. And while I guess it was nice of you to leave the choice up to your daughter, you enabled her to shoot herself in the foot here, socially. It was a mistake, and I hope your daughter recovers from it.
    via rockology_adam
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    Ich_bin_keine_Banane It's weird that OP apparently asked the daughter how they felt about it and daughter said the friend gathering was more important (as she had previously committed to it). But then OP is saying that they called from the road telling the friend's Mom that daughter wouldn't be attending the friend gathering. So...daughter said "I want to hang out with friends" and OP ignored her and took her to the resort anyway?
    via Ich_bin_keine_Banane
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    rockology_adam I am also extremely curious about that glossed over period of time. OP makes it SOUND like daughter was happy to go to the resort, but I'm extremely curious s to what was said to her to change her mind about the party being more important.
    via rockology_adam
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    Local Gazelle538 I don't understand why you didn't let your sister go to the resort on Friday and then you drive up Sat morning with your daughter. You said the resort was nearby, so surely it could be worked out. She already had plans, therefore they come first over any surprise getaways. And agree with other commenter - need to let your daughter do her own dirty work to cancel next time.
    via Local_Gazelle538
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    tinyahjumma A lot of people are TA in this situation. But not the daughter. What I see is a whole lot adults making decisions without input from the affected children, making demands (whether mean or well intended), and one child who is studying way, way too much for a 15 year old. I took a whole month, maybe, from socializing to study one time in my life, and that was for the Bar Exam.
    via tinyahjumma
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    Daisyflickerr YTA. Breaking a promise to friends, especially when it was a planned event, is a big deal.
    via Daisyflickerr
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    Faster Than Newts How would you have felt if someone did that to your daughter? At that age friends are very important and you let the birthday girl down. If you make a commitment, keep it. YTA
    via FasterThanNewts

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